i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She's the barista slut.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
