Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
