You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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