we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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