Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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