four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
