The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
