he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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