i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
