You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
