if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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