dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
