4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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