At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
