i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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