You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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