He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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