wake up i wanna do it froggy style
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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