I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
