Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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