If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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