I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
