and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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