Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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