You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
