I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
