aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
