Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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