Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
