I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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