Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
