Me. At least after what I've been through.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
