He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
