She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
