that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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