if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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