You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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