Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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