Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
