That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
