i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
