No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
