I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
