I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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