nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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