Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
