you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
