the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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