In the future we'll all be gay
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
