He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
