my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
