my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
