my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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