well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
