she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
