every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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