I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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