i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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