Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
