My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
