Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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