Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
