While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize