All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
