Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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