Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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