I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
