Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
