Buhtt sex?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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