He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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